Invasion! Enemy spotted off the coast! With a fleet of small warships battering our sacred shores on a daily basis our stoic Island nation is besieged.
Besieged by these tiny vessels of the dammed disgorging a tide of enemy combatants onto our beaches ready to storm inland and, no doubt, help to install a radical leftist dictator who’ll want to promote “mental health awareness”
It’s a reverse Dunkirk. A unkirk. Britain is being Unkirked as we speak but what can you the Great British people do to stem this tide. Like patriotic beavers building a dam of immigration control we must come together. Like myself with the TV we must seize control of the channel!
How can you help bold men like Mr Farage? How can you help YOUR country dig for victory?
1. Donate directly to Mr Farages personal wealth fund. Help get old Nige a pint to quench his parched mouth after a long day shouting at boat loads of invaders
2. Buy a vessel and get out there. Any stretch of water could be crossed by migrants on a rickity old piece of flotsam so we must be prepared. Take to the lakes, the waterways, the paddling pools and the slightly flooded fields of Blighty and remain vigilant.
3. Write to the Queen. The Queens a very busy woman with a lot to do. She might not even be aware of this crisis of epidemic proportions. She must be informed so she can bring back into force the Privateer law and we can makes our seas safe once again.
Stay safe. Stay vigilant. Buy British