Every Sunday since that fateful night in 2016 I have held a bonfire in my back garden. On it I urge all of my neighbours to burn anything they want that was made in the EU.
To get this fire going I use proper British petrol I get from my local pro Brexit garage. It had been anti Brexit but my three year (according to the courts “targeted harassment campaign”) vigil forced the previous owners out. So on Saturday night I marched to said petrol station to fill my can up and what did I find…..
Closed. It was closed. I looked around quickly in case I’d been transported to 1970s Venezuela and was now living in a Communist nightmare. But no, I was still in Blighty with the fluttering of the Union Jack’s in the breeze a constant reminder of my home land.
I approached a motorist and asked him what was going on. He started to say “Because of Brexit….” and I flipped. I will not have criticism of Brexit on garage forecourts throughout the Empire just like you wouldn’t have criticisms about Nelson on the deck of HMS Victory. I slapped the treasonous bastard and a small scuffle began and I soon found myself being choked with a tie. No doubt of Italian origin as I began to pass out I started to feel a strange power flowing into me.
My energy reserves began to swell with the untapped power of Brexit and I flung my attacker over my shoulder. Two moustachioed Commie “heavies” then burst from a nearby car. Not today Russia! I caught the first punch and wrenched the offending arm out of its socket. “How’s that for a Five Year Plan” I crowed as I cast him to the floor. The second attacker fared no better with a well placed dropkick felling him mid stride.
As I made my way home I realised that even if Brexit had caused a fuel shortage, it hasn’t, Brexit itself could fix the problem! You see the power of Brexit can do anything. It can defeat Communism. It can push back the tides of economic reality and its in us all.