Nation Ration

Normally I’d fight tooth and nail against any celebrity sticking thier noses into British interests… but brave Joanna Lumley saying we should go back to war time style rationing has brought a tear to my eye.

As a country we were happier with rationing than we are having all these tiny Romanian shops dotted all over the high street. Why would anyone need to have more than 1/5th of a knob to butter or 14d’s of sugar to last the month I don’t know!

Kids these days have gotten too used to ordering a Red Bull from thier PlayStation and having it delivered by the “woke express”. That’s all well and good until the red menace parachutes onto your front garden and starts taking your gnomes hostage! What “app” will you use then?

Rationing made me the man I am today and I carried on that brave tradition with my kids. Both of them are on rations when they stay at mine, the only concession I make is they can have two thimbles of milk instead of one at bedtime.

If it’s good enough for the SAS then it’s good enough for them and no matter what that social worker says they aren’t “starving” or “malnourished”. My kids are at a good “fighting weight” and that yellowish tinge helps me find them during localised blackouts.

Rationing was brilliant and helped engineer the rise of that oh so typically British occupation:The Spiv. Entrepreneurs who had the world in thier hands selling veal to vicars and cheese to children. Maybe rationing might be the shot in the arm for Britain’s sex life! There was nothing sexier than an English strumpet pulling up a pair of black market nylons before singing Vera Lynn! Although I’m sure the frigid left and Corbyn would have some complaints about that!

Overall rationing is a all round pleasant experience and I agree with Joanna. When I was a lad the only book I would read was my ration book. So come on Boris you’ve done so much for this country one more push towards that golden era!

Published by battlcomedy

General agitator. Probable traitor. Enjoys the finer things in life like Skol Super on a Sunday.

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