Short Change


Climate change or weather as I call it is the new hot topic for all the hippies and Corbynites to bleat about. So a few ponds have dried up in the Cotswolds and a couple of polar bears have died big deal.

You’re telling me that a polar bear wouldn’t eat you and your family if it had half a chance? Good riddance I say.

We’ve got all these weeping millennials saying it’s too hot. Not for one second have these self entitled piss pants spared a thought for our brave lads who were out fighting the Japs in the jungle.

I’d like to see them write their vegan recipes while slinging a Bren gun through the sweltering undergrowth! Or trying to convey the teachings of Mao while Zeros strafe their temporary encampment.

For too long this country has been in the thrall of those weak minded liberals who haven’t even killed one person with a bayonet. How can we as a nation become powerful once more if we don’t embrace those of us who have felt the hot breath of the enemy upon our face as our knife slides into their ribcage?

In the last few weeks we’ve lost Boris and I’ve lost my key’s but even under the blazing hot sun we must never lose what it means to be British.

Strike Now

So the looney left and Starmers minions are hell bent on dragging us back to the 1970s are they? Can I even say “bent” anymore or will a woke student mob cancel me and my gender?

The taloned hands of Corbyn are wrist deep in these train strikes make no mistake. His heavy red breath can be felt on the neck’s of the entire British population as he prepares his next move.

Train drivers are, for a absolute fact, one of the highest paid set of driver’s in the country with some Middlesbrough based drivers earning up to £100k a year. My mates a train driver and he says that the militant unions are holding the entire industry to ransom.

We need to bust these strikes and I think a few rounds from a local artillery battery should do the trick. Break thier lines before sending in some Royal Dragoons to finish them off. Give soldiers train drivers wages and send shirking drivers off to the Ukrainian trenches.

If the government backs down to these rampaging Communist’s we might as well dig up Mao and put him on the throne while chucking dearest Liz into the Thames. It’ll be anarchy on a grand scale! I may be armed but many others aren’t.

Break the strikes. Break the lines and get on with the job

Radiohead

So as you may have heard I made my debut appearance on International radio this week. My voice (and by extension yours) was broadcasting common sense points across the airwaves and across the oceans. Anywhere they hoist the Union Jack and heartily sing the national anthem in the Queen’s god given English had me coming in their ears.

Unfortunately the liberal media who run the station have the power of editing the interview before it goes out. So what went into people’s ears wasn’t what came out of my mouth. Well it was what came out of my mouth but out of context.

I felt ambushed by the interviewer, like Brilliant BoJo was at that birthday party. Mentioning that I was a sex offender was massively ambushy and out of context on many levels.

Firstly they didn’t mention that I had volunteered myself to the police after being on the run for a week. Thus saving the taxpayer at least £200 which is something you’ll never read in our Communist media.

“Sex Offender Saves Taxpayer Hundreds of Pounds After He Heroically Hands Himself Over”

Would have been a far fairer headline than the:

“Shoeless Sex Fiend Gives In After Debauched Week On The Run”

Massive difference

So although I’d gone into my first radio battle as prepared as a Navy gunner during the Battle of The Atlantic. Nothing could have prepared me for the den of Socialism I blundered into. Instead of coming across articulated and witty I *maybe* seemed a little more reactionary and possibly even sounded stupid.

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