Kneel For The Crown Only

Another blow struck against the tyranny of the Left was landed today in explosive fashion!

I had been on my early morning immigrant patrol in which I wander the banks of a local river in preparation of stopping the migrant tide when I heard the England football team might take the knee again!

I was so furious that I forgot to salute a line Union Jack as I stormed home. I immediately picked up the phone and began calling EVERYBODY!

I implored every person who answered, I left rousing calls to arms on answer phones and I got annoyed when my ex wife told me to fuck off. But I did what had to be done and I gathered a hardcore group of British patriots who were ready to lay down thier lives to stop this inevitable march of Marxism.

And we marched towards City Hall. At first there was only 5000 of us but by the end as more and more Brits felt liberated our numbers swelled to Crusade levels. Our banners held high and our chants loud we made our way to the hotbed of political socialism that is City Hall.

We banged on the door, our voices 10 million strong, and we demanded change. We the silent majority were not going to be silent anymore and we would have our resolution!

For hours we besieged that bastion of corruption but still the cowards refused to engage with us. A resolution was agreed and we would storm the building. Just as I picked up the first stone I was informed that no one is actually in the building on a Sunday.

As the crowd dispersed we were still in high spirits with many vowing to boo the players who knelt tonight for the entire game. You see this has got nothing to do with “racism” it’s a woke plot to stifle dissent towards the government.

Also I’m kinda glad my insurrection finished early because the police have said if I break curfew one more time I’m looking at 10 months

Tied up

So she’s tied old “tadger” Johnson down has she? Well he’ll simultaneously like that and hate it! If you catch my drift.

The wedding was held in secret, so secret in fact that Carrie’s bridesmaids didn’t know about it. Probably for the best with dashing Boris suited and booted there could have been a few wandering eyes.

The cads cad has been shackled and we the Great British public love it! I, for one, will be listening with a ear to the proverbial door for the sounds of Johnson getting up to his usual tricks!

What japes indeed as Carrie chases yet another member of the “below stairs” class out of her bedroom! Old “pounder” Johnson will probably have his own special frying pan she clouts him with!

I can see it now: “Big Boy Bojo” on his last warning from Carrie has got an war council meeting with the UN over what to do about nuking China. One of the busty serving girls spills some fine Brandy on his lap.

“Dang and poppleshank!” Johnson will exclaim, whipping his trousers off in a flash in a effort to protect his undergarments from soaking. Maintaining his dignity while the busty serving wench tries to desperately clean him up, Ballsy Bojo doesn’t see the dog under his feet and trips over the cheeky pup….straight into the busty barmaids exposed cleavage. Just as Carrie enters carrying a roll of carpet she wants Johnson to run his wandering eye over!

Carrie immediately fears the worst but is placated as Johnson delivers a rousing speech from deep within the bosom! And at the flickering of that well worn tounge the battle is won! Removing his head to rousing applause from the other delegates causes him to become the showman once more and bows theatrically before twinkling his eyes at Carrie who promptly faints through sexual exhaustion

Now why don’t Netflix make a movie outta that instead of pushing the Liberal agenda down our throats with things like “Tiger King”

The Truth

There’s been a lot of “Lisa Lefties” waxing lyrical about lying and if our government has the moral fibre of a fresh deer turd. So let me tell you a little story about lying….

In 1943 the boffins of the UKs war machine were in a pickle. Yes we’d won the “Battle of Britain” (the precursor to Brexit) Flight Commander Farage had seen off the Hun in our skies and him and his pilot chums were off round Kent getting a feel for some nylon clad totty. But what was the next step?

The problem was that Barry Bosch had sympathetic ears in the UK, with it being a well known fact that the Labour Party were open supporters of the German war effort. So great were these sympathetic ears that the armed forces plans were often thrown into disarray. Intelligence leaks such as this led to the sinking of the Hood and the fall of Jersey.

So it was clear the “truth” was a national security threat and it had to be controlled. No point in telling people like Corbyn about tank manoeuvres against Crete when he’ll immediately pass on the information to his paymasters in Prague is there? No. So our great leaders have to be economical with the truth to protect the country

Disinformation campaigns are run at full pelt during times of war and this, my fellow patriots, is war. War on statues. War on Covid. War on Brexit. Its war. Its why I have my kids (in the court mandated one hour a month I have them) patrolling the trench network I’ve developed in my front garden. Yes we’ve had a few minor incidents with landmines but that’s what happens when you don’t pay attention during the mine sweeping training I arranged for you in leiu of school.

My point being is that the truth is a weapon. You wouldn’t let maddened Japanese Zero pilots have access to firearms would you? Course not.

Which is exactly why our crack commando cabinet unit has to be economical with the truth

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