Sunday Sermons

Every Sunday since that fateful night in 2016 I have held a bonfire in my back garden. On it I urge all of my neighbours to burn anything they want that was made in the EU.

To get this fire going I use proper British petrol I get from my local pro Brexit garage. It had been anti Brexit but my three year (according to the courts “targeted harassment campaign”) vigil forced the previous owners out. So on Saturday night I marched to said petrol station to fill my can up and what did I find…..

Closed. It was closed. I looked around quickly in case I’d been transported to 1970s Venezuela and was now living in a Communist nightmare. But no, I was still in Blighty with the fluttering of the Union Jack’s in the breeze a constant reminder of my home land.

I approached a motorist and asked him what was going on. He started to say “Because of Brexit….” and I flipped. I will not have criticism of Brexit on garage forecourts throughout the Empire just like you wouldn’t have criticisms about Nelson on the deck of HMS Victory. I slapped the treasonous bastard and a small scuffle began and I soon found myself being choked with a tie. No doubt of Italian origin as I began to pass out I started to feel a strange power flowing into me.

My energy reserves began to swell with the untapped power of Brexit and I flung my attacker over my shoulder. Two moustachioed Commie “heavies” then burst from a nearby car. Not today Russia! I caught the first punch and wrenched the offending arm out of its socket. “How’s that for a Five Year Plan” I crowed as I cast him to the floor. The second attacker fared no better with a well placed dropkick felling him mid stride.

As I made my way home I realised that even if Brexit had caused a fuel shortage, it hasn’t, Brexit itself could fix the problem! You see the power of Brexit can do anything. It can defeat Communism. It can push back the tides of economic reality and its in us all.

Unleash it

Starmer Drama

The Labour Party conference has begun led by a man so in the pocket of Corbyn you’ll be finding lint on his forehead.

Starmer, for years, has perpetrated treasonous acts against the Crown. Acts so heinous that I can’t even write about them here for fear of upsetting some of my older readers.

Starmer has released a essay on “what he stands for” which I assumed was just the Communist National Anthem. Corbyn is the merry piper and Starmer dances to his red jig like a Chinese prostitute trying to impress the king. He is Corbyns man make no mistake.

When you look at Starmer what do you see? I tell you what you don’t see and that’s a godamm war hero. Where was he at Trafalgar? Balaclava? Bosworth? Cowering behind his “manifesto” no doubt.

During my lifetime I have NEVER seen Starmer receive the Victoria Cross. I’ve NEVER seen him pilot a Spitfire and do you know how many times I’ve seen him down the local buying the lads a pint? NOT ONCE

If you ever put your faith in the crimson hand of Labour you might as well grow yourself a moustache, call yourself Stalin and purge your family of dissenters.

Subliminal Submarine

The Foppy French have embarrassed themselves on the world stage yet again. Not content with being the laughing stock of World War Two (Hitlers Return) they’ve now thrown a hissy fit over the new UK/US/AUS defence partnership.

The partnership will be primarily be focused on agitating China but (hopefully) we can use some Navy Seals to storm the migrant rafts floating across the Channel.

France has accused Australia of breaking a deal with them to build nuclear submarines. Has Brexit taught them nothing? Deals don’t mean anything anymore so you can shove your Northern Ireland protocol up your arse as well.

For years the French have deceived us. Claiming that “baguettes are a form of food” or are they smuggled weapons? A sharpened baguette could be driven through the eye of a brave Sainsburys worker at the drop of Marcons beret. Look around the bakery section of your local supermarket and tell me the barrel of baguettes don’t look like a barrel of French swords?

Citing “betrayal” the French have removed thier Ambassadors from Australia and the US. Oh no! Who’ll bring the cheese to the next meeting?

In all seriousness though if France doesn’t want to get involved in a arms race with China then fine. You’ve chosen your side and you’re clearly the enemy. Remember, France, those new nuclear submarines that Australia are buying? They need target practice

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