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The Festival Of Brexit

We’ve come a long way since those heady days of 2016 when a bloody and battered Captain Farage led us over the top one more time and into victory! Like the end of the two world wars the British people were battle weary and just wanted to get back to their families and kicking the Irish out of local boozers. But it wasn’t to be….

Since 2016 a concentrated and deliberate attack of British democracy has bled from within the great walls of Britain herself. Hundreds of traitorous remoaner elites have waged a guerrilla war against the British people in an attempt to destabilise Brexit itself! Like most right thinking patriots I believed in rounding up all those who voted to remain in the EU. We should have put them to labour on the “great works” of Brexit that would have shot up all over the place without Remoaner interference.

Alas we allowed these parasites to burrow further into British society to the point where they have taken over the Labour party and have a number of fingers and several thumbs in the NHS’s pie. The mainstream media, of course, don’t report on this because they themselves are in on it all. The BBC, the Guardian, Auto Weekly and that local newsletter that printed my picture when I was taking a piss behind that nursery, are all full of left wing black lives matter bleeters with nothing better to do than sow division into the minds of the British public.

I understand that you can’t just execute everyone who voted against Brexit but a few thousand mass arrests and the odd “accidental” fatal beating would have kept the Remoaners on their toes. You know just a few images of prominent lefty do gooders been dragged from their beds, cuffed, sacks over their heads and bundled into unmarked vans. It would have been one in the eye for Suusanna Reid when she immediately asked Commandant Farage if the £350million would be made available to the NHS as promised. 

We Brexiteers were in the know all along! The £350mill was only a cunning ruse developed by Flight Lieutenant Nige and Bouncy Boris to blindside the Left. We Brexiteers knew we’d have to cut back on NHS funding a bit and plough the newly liberated £350mill into our defence systems. Now we’re out of the EU we’ll need all our spare cash to make drones to fly out over the channel to keep a eye out for invasions of migrants in bathtubs. We also knew we’d need to upgrade our nuclear capabilities. You never know when we’ll need to head into a Middle Eastern country if we think their maybe developing a new kind of flick knife. Can’t be letting the Arabs develop that level of technology.

Now we get into the crux of the matter. Regular readers will know that I prefer short informative bursts of writing rather that these longer pieces. Some of my critics have cruelly suggested that I don’t have the attention span for them. To those I say

The upcoming 2022 Festival Of Brexit will not only be the greatest artistic extravaganza in the history of the world but put that lefty “London 2012” claptrap firmly in its place. It’ll be a coming together of British values while extending a olive branch to international trading partners around the world. All while giving a cheeky one in the eye to all those foreigners who said we couldn’t do it!

So what will be at a “Festival of Brexit” well for a start there will be none of this taking the knee crap unless the Queen turns up. Which she might. Old Liz has been known for flashing her ankles after a few sherries so I’m sure she’ll want to do a Gay Gordan with Big Daz from 274 Retting Street. Especially now that she’s single

I can’t see any lefty or liberal artists being asked to perform, if I was the organisers I’d extend that to anyone who is left handed. You can’t be too careful these days. There’s a huge number of family friendly right wing comedians and entertainers just waiting to reclaim the spotlight from the Lefties who think joking about tampons is “comedy”. I’d plump for Jim Davidson to host, he’s popular with the troops and I imagine a lot of them will be on duty there throughout the festivities.

The festival will be run by Martin Green, who yes comes across as a bit of a tit, but he fucked off loads of Lefty moaners in Hull during their “City of Culture” so he’s all good in my book. Personally I would have given it a bit more of a military touch and allowed any living (and still serving, if you’ve retired from active duty your cowardice won’t be rewarded) receivers of the Victoria Cross to organise it. Yet another snub to our forces there methinks.

What Can You Do To Help?

The Festival Of Brexit will be targeted by doomsayers and other fifth columnists and many will look to undermine it’s principles. You must be vigilant and challenge these traitors at any opportunity. We’ve been informed by friends in the police service that patriots will be dealt with very lightly if their caught slapping a remoaner for displaying negativity towards the festival.

Many people don’t know that it’s even happening! The mainstream media have barely reported on the success of Brexit since we left the draconian EU so don’t expect to see much about the festival. So YOU must spread the word. Try to work it into any conversation you have. Below are some examples:

“Look at all this British grown produce. None of that foreign muck here. I wonder how they grow such marvellous turnips. Maybe I’ll find out via a guest speaker at the UKS FESTIVAL OF BREXIT?”

“I know your alone after your wife died but crying about it won’t reduce those waiting lists. Why don’t you get yourself down to the UKS FESTIVAL OF BREXIT and you’ll maybe find yourself a Brexiteer whose former spouse was a anti masker and anti vaxxer”

“Officer I know it looks strange, a grown man, sitting in this bush while a woman’s yoga class goes on across the street. But do you know what will be stranger? If you and your boys weren’t at the UKS FESTIVAL OF BREXIT”

See it’s easy to steer almost any conversation towards the UKs Festival of Brexit.

Host Your Own

Host your own Festival of Brexit street party! If there’s one thing we Brits are the best in the world at it’s having a good old fashioned knees up! Here are some patriotic ideas to get you started.

  1. Maybe you can ask the local school if they would supply children to re-enact great moments from Britains military history. Year Five V Year Six at the Somme could be a lot of fun and educational.  
  2. There’s a lot of wisdom in the local community and a lot of people who are still around from the good old days and are able to tell it like it is. Get these Brits involved and have them regaling the awestruck crowds with tales of pre decimalisation, leaving your front door unlocked and The Empire.
  3. Bees? Maybe a presentation bee keeping or something.
  4. Drinking.

The possibilities are really endless when you have your own Festival of Brexit! And with the Festival Of Brexit no doubt turning into a huge uplifting success why not make it a yearly event? Or bi annually?, Each Month? Hell why not every week! But in reality you shouldn’t need a festival as you should be celebrating Brexit every day.


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